On The Importance of Forts

Today, as Gideon was reading my checkbook and laughing uproariously at what he found, I had a rare moment of clarity about my place in the world.

[It may have something to do with the general melancholy that this time of year brings, with its gray days and endless rain, but my introspection has been rather intense of late. Please, bear with me as I share with you.]

When I was very young, my mother would often tell me that I was destined for great things. Perhaps it was her way of inspiring me, but when talking about my birth and early childhood she spoke of visions and prophesies and hearing me cry out from the womb. Not unlike a García Márquez novel with the magic realism, right?

Now, before you assume that my whole side of the family is utterly insane, just know that my mother raised me by herself and never had any other children after me. I was her one big shot at success in life and so there was a lot riding on my future success. She needed to believe that I was truly, inexorably special. More importantly, she needed me to believe it. And so she spent a lot of time thinking, wishing and dreaming.

As a result, I grew up thinking these things to be true, and wondered how I would achieve my grand destiny. Would I be a famous artist, an inspiring world diplomat, a martyr-like saint? I have pursued all three, plus a few more.

Thankfully, my mother stressed the importance of a good education and encouraged a strong work ethic, too, so when the reality of my lack of epic greatness finally sank in during my late 20s, I was still able to create a pretty good life for myself.

And now, as I look at the house we just bought and the family we’ve created and the journey we’ve taken to get here, I am incredibly grateful for the simple greatness of my life. While never perfect mostly I can’t complain, and I am truly thankful that I get to enjoy these things.

However, I am sometimes disappointed that my life hasn’t turned out to be the action-packed television Movie of the Week that I had once thought it would be. How do you reconcile the Superwoman in your head with the Average Mom in the mirror?

I haven’t quite figured that one out yet, and I suspect it is something I’ll always have nagging me. But, I think that the answer to the question of how to be happy with the life that you have is to enjoy every minute of every day as much as you can, even if it’s not the most exciting, and to continuously broaden your horizon in various ways. This year, my goals are a bit quieter than in years past. But that pilot’s license will eventually be had, and the novel (or two) written.

Even if those things likely don’t catapult me into the annals of history.

There’s no telling the direction that any of our lives will take at any given moment but, for today, I think the answer lies in building more forts and letting your imagination run wild.